Guilty Freedom

Guilt of being free

               Lately my mind has been plagued with thoughts of guilt, thoughts of freedom, and thoughts of shame. You see, I work for myself, every dollar I earn is a relationship that I have created. I don’t have a boss or a company telling me when I must work and when I have to be there. I choose my schedule, when I work, when I want a day off, when I want a long lunch period and I know this probably all sounds great but, it’s so hard. The discipline to not let yourself wither away into a black hole, to never see the light of day again is HARD. Because there is no where that I HAVE to be, I have to choose my work day in and day out. A life of an entrepreneur is solely driven on you wanting to do this thing called life. There is no management personal that is expecting things from you. So, you choose to continuously show up for yourself, for your passions EVERY SINGLE DAY. Driven is the word that comes to mind. My life as a young businesswoman is not busy. Everyone tells me I look so busy, but I am really not. My schedule is pretty flexible. Now, when I was in school, I would say I was busy. But I am not busy anymore, is that okay? Should I be busy? BUT then there is this thought I have been playing with… We aren’t supposed to work our life away, you aren’t supposed to work 12 to 16 hour days, what did we come here for if not to experience LIFE!? Work is just one of the MANY aspects of life, yet we spend over half of our life doing work. Why are YOU here on this earth? To be miserable? To miss out on the lives of the people who matter most? I think not. I found out way too young that you can make money a million different ways, that you don’t have to spend the rest of your life as a work slave. I see my parents, who work so hard, who have sacrificed so much. I see them and I want so much for them to have the freedom to say NO, to say no to whatever they desire. I see a thousand other people who work so much. And here I am… young, working for myself, doing great with it and I FEEL GUILTY. I think “I should be working as many hours as they do” or “I shouldn’t have this extra time I have; I should be using it to make more money”. I have had to stop myself too many times to count from going down a slippery slope of guilt and shame for the life that I have created. But I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR IT. Let’s be clear, no one has ever made me feel guilty, but I see what society’s expectations does to people and I wish I could free them. I am slowly freeing myself. A friend once shared these mantra’s with me…

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PRODUCTIVE ALL OF THE TIME

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE EFFEICIENT WITH YOUR TIME

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE BUSY TO HAVE WEALTH

This may be a jumble of thoughts, but it’s whats on my mind today. Thanks for reading,

Austeen Freeman

Published by austeenfreeman

Austeen Freeman is a mystic writer, life-long learner, and facilitator of healing. Author of the Mystic Wanderer Oracle cards, facilitator of virtual and in-person yoga classes, Austeen finds herself wherever she is needed. Her passion for teaching and coaxing students back to their bodies and creating a life soulfully lived, is the foundation of all of her teachings. Her pleasure is uncovering the mystery of the dark and shadowy divine through writing, online journaling challenges and workshops. Her words spill out like cold soothing liberating waters, beckoning you to walk a more mystic path. Her raw and honest prescenses comes from deep within our feminine bowl, you can find her at austeenfreeman.com, mysticsheways.com or her local studio Ghidrah’s Mind Body Spirit in Adrian, MI. Austeen has her Master’s degree in Athletic Training, her license in Massage Therapy and Emergency Medicine as an EMT-B, as well as a 200 RYT through Yoga Alliance.

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